Monday, May 14, 2012

Cinema Babble: Not Really, It Just Felt That Way

The Flick: The Five-Year Engagement

The Peeps: Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Chris Pratt, Alison Brie, Mimi Kennedy, David Paymer, etc, etc.

The Dealio: One year after meeting Violet (Blunt), sous-chef Tom (Segel) proposes. She accepts. And then follows a series of interruptions with their plans, during which this totally cute and root-forable couple descends into Rom-Com Hell, taking the movie- and us- with them. There are unfunny sequences involving loss of a toe, a child shooting an arrow into a woman's thigh, cheating and attempted cheating on both sides, really inexplicable facial hair, selfishness and ambition blinding one lover to the other's needs, unhappiness and sacrifices. Never has so much been done to so  promising a story to kill off any funny, any joy, any romance.

The Grading Session: This movie is totally undeserving of any pengies. So- it will be awarded the first-ever, dreaded Mackerel. Pengies eat mackerel.

Lessons Learned: Yes, it is possible to show a cute-meet one too many times. Or four. It is also possible to take totally likable leads with totally likable  personalities and turn them into hideous, thoroughly unlikable  stereotypes. It just shouldn't take more than two hours to get there. Lastly this: just cause a little bit of adversity brings forth some laughs and relate-ability does not mean that heaping it on makes it even better. Or even bearable. Your mileage may differ.

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